It’s officially been one month since I stopped working full time with the City of Hamilton and really dove into the deep end of my yoga practice. It was one month ago today that I began my yoga teacher training at De La Sol and stepped into this new chapter in my life.
Thinking back to sitting at my old desk, it feels like I have been gone from the City for a really long time. I remember realizing after only about 2 weeks away that I felt like myself again – only a little bit lighter and a little smilier :)
I have committed to practicing daily, both a self practice at home as part of my homework from the training and then a class at either De La Sol or Moksha Yoga Hamilton – and somedays both. There has been about 3 days that I didn’t make it to my mat having either come off of a night shift or due to a weird stomach issue I was having about a week ago. Other than those occasions I have followed through on my commitment to practice; to being with myself, on the four corners of my mat exploring my body and my breath.
Following through long term on commitments has never been a strength. I have began many different activties, fitness regimes, etc. with the force of a tornado and then somehow my commitment waivers and I eventually quit. Yoga is different though – the only person that really knows whether I have or haven’t been practicing is myself and the only person I have to answer to at the end of the day is myself. Somehow, knowing that nobody else cares whether I practice or not has really inspiried me to find the inner motivation and respect for myself and this practice of yoga. There have been days where I have been tired either physically or mentally or sore from the previous days practice but I keep finding myself wanting to practice from a much deeper place within myself than I have ever really been able to connect with before.
My training program has been very stimulating, inspiring, challenging and a little overwhelming. Last night I took one of Katie’s classes and stayed to chat after class with her and a couple of the other trainees. After our last weekend of training I was feeling like having started to study the practice of yoga from a philosophical, traditional and anatomical perspective that I knew less now about the ancient tradition than I did before I began the training. After talking with them, what I have come to recognize is that I knew less before I began the training but I was totally unaware of how much I didn’t know and now this program is shining a light on all the areas of the practice that previously sat in a dark corner and I feel like I am scrambling to get to know all of what is now in the light. I feel a bit like Neo after he took the red pill, knowing that now there is no way to go back to the bliss of unknowingness, and the ‘red pill’ road ahead is a long one.
This past weekend of information has stimulated a dialogue running through my mind of “how do I break down that posture in 4 sentences or less?”, “how do I isolate my pelvis?”, “how do I wake up earlier for personal practice?”, “when will I feel motivated to pick up and read all of the books we are supposed to read?”. As I continue on this journey I know that I have to continue to cultivate patience in both myself and the process. I have to hold onto the truth that the time I invest, the energy I focus, and my commitment to my practice is enough and everything else will come in time, when I am ready for it.